Rules Of Engagement: Identify Your Goals To Manage Your Time

Around 2001, I watched as a tiny technology bubble blew up just south of Salt Lake City. I was only a few years out of college, but it was clear the little startup I worked for was poised for a big move, and I could be a part of it. We weren’t alone; you could feel an energy building throughout the close-knit Utah County tech community.

In the meantime, my wife and I were starting a family, and it became obvious to me that I had a big decision to make. The pace at work was aggressive: 60-plus-hour weeks were the norm. Colleagues would eat dinner in the office most nights — sometimes even sleep there — and the all-or-nothing lifestyle was celebrated. Putting in crazy hours was a badge of honor, and the less time you had for family and friends, the bigger and shinier your badge.

As for me, I loved the excitement and growth, but I couldn’t share the perspective that success required such a big sacrifice. As my personal goals crystallized, I felt myself drifting away. After a year, I told the company founder it was time for me to go. I told him I wanted to try something different; in reality, I felt like I was missing my kid growing up, and I didn’t fit the culture. His reaction was shock: “Are you sure? You’re getting paid well, and you have a ton of stock. Don’t make a mistake you’ll regret.”

I knew what I was giving up: a lot of money. Millions, looking back. But it would have taken 10 years to see an exit, and in only one year I’d learned whatever reward was coming wasn’t more valuable than my family and happiness. It wasn’t my first, but it was my most important lesson in learning to prioritize what really matters.

Time Is More Than Money

I don’t know anyone who feels they have enough time; even my retired friends complain there aren’t enough hours in the day. The demand for newer, better time management apps proves we’re all looking for ways to take control of our days — to become more efficient and effective users of our time. But I don’t believe you can schedule your way to effectiveness.

I agree it’s crucial to manage your time, and a schedule can help create order out of chaos and set boundaries for yourself and others. But scheduling falls short for one big reason: The world and the people in it don’t run on your schedule, and you can’t always predict how life will happen. And we humans are too easily swayed: We feel outside pressure. We artificially inflate the value of immediate concerns over long-term goals, and we’re too caught up — or too nice — to say no to things that don’t trump our real objectives.

I’ve realized that prioritization and accountability — the ability to decide who and what are really important to you and acknowledge the impact of your decisions — are far more important than sticking to a schedule. It’s important to have a schedule, but it should arrive from decisions you make about what you need to accomplish to reach your goals.

What Really Matters

The most important priority in my life is the people I love. While I find great satisfaction in my work, it’s a distant second or third. As a result, I try to ensure work never interferes with the time I’ve dedicated to my wife and kids, and I check in with them to be certain I’m fulfilling my commitment to prioritize them. At work, I have stakeholders to whom I’m accountable, and I treat them the same way — I check in to ensure I’m meeting our shared goals. But my perspective is something like this: If I can’t accomplish a business goal without encroaching on the time I’ve promised to friends and family, I need to do a gut check and examine that goal more carefully.

That’s not how everyone thinks, I realize. Your priorities are your own, whether you want to be a champion athlete, a billionaire, a leader of people or a good parent. Work is still a critical part of life; it’s just not at the top of my list. My point in repeating this is to demonstrate how prioritization affects everything else: By acknowledging that family is No. 1 and work is ultimately less critical, I’m establishing rules of engagement for my most valuable asset: time. Being accountable to both family and business stakeholders holds me to my word and motivates me to manage my time appropriately.

There’s no magic or incredible self-discipline involved. I’m still easily distracted. I slip up and find myself spending more time than I should on things I know aren’t priorities. But the point is that while a schedule just organizes my time, prioritization and accountability give me the purpose to get back on track.

How To Do It

Here’s what I suggest to anyone trying to schedule their way to effectiveness: Make a list. Start with your top priorities — family, work, personal development — and then add the little tasks that make up the larger roles. Now, rank them. It sounds easier than it is, but it’s worth doing because once you have that list, the only other thing you have to do is think about it as you decide about how to spend your time and effort.

There will always be a struggle between your wants and needs; anyone who works for a living understands the tug of war between the need to support your existence and the desire to enjoy the fruits of your labors. Some of us are lucky enough to enjoy our work, but many aren’t. Simply by prioritizing what’s important to us, we acknowledge the finite, precious nature of time.